[ Maruki pauses at that, thinks about his own associations with that word – chances, opportunities, research, future–
He can't do this.
The last time they met in this dreamtime counselor's office was the first and the thousandth all at once. He can't accept that Eren is here meeting him for the first time yet again. ]
[ Maruki opens his mouth, but nothing manages to come out. It shuts slowly.
To say he dreams about Eren wouldn't be accurate, but– they met in a dream, continued to share another dream, exist in a land between dreams. They're dreamers. Perhaps it's the simplest way to put it. ]
I know. There's a lot for your subconscious to sort through. [ Memories on memories on memories... ] It's okay that you don't remember me. I'm not upset.
[ He is, but not at Eren. ]
Can I ask what the last thing you do remember is?
[ Maybe, if he can orient where this Eren comes from in his mind, he can somehow find a way to reach him. ]
[It's quiet. Eren stares at him for a long time. His brows knit together tighter with every moment that passes, until he's practically glaring. He puts his eyes on the ground, at least. It isn't this guy's fault. Maybe this all makes perfect sense, and Eren just doesn't know yet. He doesn't know the full breadth of the Founding Titan's power, yet.]
I'd be pretty upset if someone who mattered forgot who I was.
[Maybe Eren doesn't matter to him. He doesn't particularly get the sense that that's true.]
Tell me who you are - who I am to you. When I asked the first time, you avoided the question.
[ And now Eren's the one avoiding the question. Tit for tat, he supposes. They've always been the same sort of monster, after all.
Maruki doesn't know how to answer that question, though. How could he possibly make anyone understand, even another version of Eren?
But–
He has to try. He'd never forgive himself if he didn't try, and he knows Eren wouldn't either. ]
You're my closest friend.
[ Immediately, a soft noise of frustration in his throat and an amendment, more earnest in its honesty: ]
No, you're– the only way we can think to describe it is that... you're the other me. I'm the other you. [ My Other. ] It's a bond so deep, words defy it. Get what I'm saying?
[It's not that Eren doesn't grasp the concept, but it still feels foreign to him, and he knows that it shouldn't. Maybe the words should alarm him - maybe he should be scared away - but they don't, he isn't.
[He's sorry. He has to tear his eyes away. It's too hard to look at him.]
I guess I'm not really sure how that works. But.
It doesn't really sound like the sort of thing someone could forget.
[Is that to say that he hasn't forgotten, or that he doesn't believe what Maruki's saying at all? He cracks his wrist again.
[He shouldn't say it, probably. But he does believe what Maruki's saying.]
[ Maruki hesitates, not because there's anything he's keeping from this Eren, but because he's never had to put it into words before. ]
I'm not exactly sure, but... you and I have a way of influencing one another, even when we aren't trying to. Even just this conversation feels like it's having an effect on you, doesn't it?
[Eren's hand is taken. On some instinct, he bring his other up to join it. He looks past lenses into the man's dark eyes as he says, "I can't change anything, Eren."
[Suddenly, it feels like that grip is the only thing holding Eren up. He thinks he could cry, feels tears in his eyes.]
But...you said...
[Eren closes his eyes tight, has to turn his face away. The man doesn't let go of his hands. They tense and flex beneath his touch.]
[ Eren looks away, but he holds on. That's what matters. He isn't truly turning away from Maruki. He's listening. His grip is tight, even if his voice is miserable, and Maruki knows this is only the beginning of how difficult his coming years will be.
So his plea is a simple one, and profoundly desperate. ]
When you feel like you're entirely alone... When you're certain that you've turned everyone against you, and you're undeserving of their love...
[ Maruki's hands grip tight, tight. ]
Remember me. Even if the memory is faint. Remember that I'm with you. I'm always with you.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
pantheraliam) wrote2030-03-12 03:03 pm
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Destruction.
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Total.
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Choices.
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[Soon...]
Wasted.
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He can't do this.
The last time they met in this dreamtime counselor's office was the first and the thousandth all at once. He can't accept that Eren is here meeting him for the first time yet again. ]
You really don't remember me? Not at all?
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Who are you? You must know me if you're saying that...
[He glares at the ground, right hand curling and cracking on his wrist.]
We're not where we should be.
I must know you too...
[Or else he wouldn't have brought him here.]
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You can think of where we are as a dream. A shared one.
[ The more things change... ]
I've met you in one before. I've spent a lot of time with you.
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[If that's the case, then...]
I never remember my dreams. Only in bits and pieces.
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To say he dreams about Eren wouldn't be accurate, but– they met in a dream, continued to share another dream, exist in a land between dreams. They're dreamers. Perhaps it's the simplest way to put it. ]
I know. There's a lot for your subconscious to sort through. [ Memories on memories on memories... ] It's okay that you don't remember me. I'm not upset.
[ He is, but not at Eren. ]
Can I ask what the last thing you do remember is?
[ Maybe, if he can orient where this Eren comes from in his mind, he can somehow find a way to reach him. ]
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I'd be pretty upset if someone who mattered forgot who I was.
[Maybe Eren doesn't matter to him. He doesn't particularly get the sense that that's true.]
Tell me who you are - who I am to you. When I asked the first time, you avoided the question.
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Maruki doesn't know how to answer that question, though. How could he possibly make anyone understand, even another version of Eren?
But–
He has to try. He'd never forgive himself if he didn't try, and he knows Eren wouldn't either. ]
You're my closest friend.
[ Immediately, a soft noise of frustration in his throat and an amendment, more earnest in its honesty: ]
No, you're– the only way we can think to describe it is that... you're the other me. I'm the other you. [ My Other. ] It's a bond so deep, words defy it. Get what I'm saying?
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[He's sorry. He has to tear his eyes away. It's too hard to look at him.]
I guess I'm not really sure how that works. But.
It doesn't really sound like the sort of thing someone could forget.
[Is that to say that he hasn't forgotten, or that he doesn't believe what Maruki's saying at all? He cracks his wrist again.
[He shouldn't say it, probably. But he does believe what Maruki's saying.]
My memories have been...compromised. I guess...
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It might not be that. You just haven't met me yet in your reality.
[ A beat, and then a smile spreads over his face, no less genuine for how watery and thin it is. ]
But now you have. Maybe that will change things.
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Change...?
[Eren's heart beats in his throat. You're the other me. I'm the other you. If that's true, then he must know everything. If that's true, then...]
What...do you mean by that?
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I'm not exactly sure, but... you and I have a way of influencing one another, even when we aren't trying to. Even just this conversation feels like it's having an effect on you, doesn't it?
OHHHHH IMAGINE IT'S ONE OF HIS UGLY WUGLY ICONS
[Desperate, maybe. He nods, reaching for Maruki at last, his hand coming to grip the other man's sleeve tight.]
You must know everything, right? So...
You can help me...? Please...
[All at once, that desperation crests and breaks. Eren clutches Maruki with both hands, eyes wild.]
Please. You have to save them.
??????? HE'S **NEVER** UGLY WUGLY YOU TAKE THAT BACK
He takes Eren's hand clutched into his sleeve, drags it away to hold it between both of his own as he looks into those desperate, pleading eyes. ]
I can't change anything, Eren. [ There's such remorse in the truth of those words. ] But I want you to promise me something. Can you do that?
UGLY WUGLY
[Eren's hand is taken. On some instinct, he bring his other up to join it. He looks past lenses into the man's dark eyes as he says, "I can't change anything, Eren."
[Suddenly, it feels like that grip is the only thing holding Eren up. He thinks he could cry, feels tears in his eyes.]
But...you said...
[Eren closes his eyes tight, has to turn his face away. The man doesn't let go of his hands. They tense and flex beneath his touch.]
What is it? Just tell me...
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So his plea is a simple one, and profoundly desperate. ]
When you feel like you're entirely alone... When you're certain that you've turned everyone against you, and you're undeserving of their love...
[ Maruki's hands grip tight, tight. ]
Remember me. Even if the memory is faint. Remember that I'm with you. I'm always with you.